Not Another Naruto Fanfic
by Dreamers Deranged
Summary: Love Naruto fanfics but hate having to go through so many categories to find all the different types? Look not further! Here we have all the cliched fics rolled into one!
1. The High School Fic

Disclaimer: No owney no suey... sounds like a bad metal song...

Auhtor's Note: Kay then first published fic in... pretty much forever. Thought I'd try something a bit different but still staying in my main category. Oh. This is Haldor by the way. In case you couldn't tell.

Warning: Language blah blah blah.

**Chapter 1: The High School Fanfic**

Naruto suddenly found himself in a classroom. Not only was he in a classroom, but so was all the rookie 9 (including Gai's team), Gaara and Co., Sai and a bunch of other character that don't come out until part 2. Which wasn't that many considering it's supposed to be a high school. But then it doesn't really matter because in all honesty in a fanfic the author can twist them to be whatever age he wants. Oops! Ramble.

Naruto turned to Sakura who was sitting at the the same table as him.

"Hey Sakura, what the hell is going on?"

"You've been sucked into a fanfic, and so have the rest of us."

"Fanfiction?! Who would do such a terrible thing?"

(Insert maniacal laughter here: kukukuku...  
Laith: (bursts through the door) I told you not to fucking laugh like that ever!  
Me: You're just jealous cuz I can do it and you can't!  
Laith: (takes battle stance)  
Me: (scared shitless) Let me finish the chapter first!!!)

"What kind of fanfic is this?"

"It's a high school fic, Dobe."

"Teme! Where the hell did you come from?"

Sasuke noticabley shuddered.

"It's disgusting."

Naruto and Sakura sweatdropped.

Kakashi walked in.

"Sorry I'm late class, but..."

They waited.

"But what?" Naruto asked.

"I don't know. I usually get cut off right there."

Everyone sweatdropped.

"Let me try again."

Kakashi walked out and walked back in.

"Sorry I'm late class, but-"

Suddenly right at that moment an unconcious Argentinian fell through the roof. He was quickly joined by a dwarf dressed as a nun.

The dwarf opened the door.

"So sorry about that, wrong fanfic."

The dwarf took the Argentinian man's feet and pulled the man out.

The room was in silent shock.

"What the fuck was that?!"

(me: (bashes head with keyboard) what the fuck?  
Laith: Need help?  
Me: Please?  
Laith: kukukuku...  
Me: nvm... (sweatdrop)  
Real Laith: WTF? I don't laugh like that!  
Me: I know. Kukukuku...  
Real Laith: (takes battle stance)  
Me: Okay okay I'm sorry.)

Kakashi clapped his hands.

"Project time!"

"Why?"

"Because the author says so."

"But we just started school."

"Apparently not."

"What's the project."

"I don't know. Something that has nothing to do with anything I guess. Make some pasta."

"Why?"

"Because it's yummy. Get to work." He pulled out his book.

Shikamaru poked Naruto in the back.

"Are we seriously going to make pasta?"

Sakura answered him.

"I don't see how. It's not a cooking class."

"Did I poke you?"

"No."

"Then don't talk to me."

Naruto spoke up.

"Seeing as how this is a high school fic, I must do high school fic related things!"

"Like what, Dobe?"

Naruto poked Sasuke's head.

"Like make bestest friends with you!"

"You pretty much are best friends already," Sakura told him.

"Right! Objective one complete!"

Sasuke sighed.

"Now what?"

Naruto thought. An idea popped into his head.

"Now I make friends with Gaara!" He got up from his seat and walked to the back of the room. "Gaara! What's up my homie g ninja?!"

"What are you doing?"

"High school fic related things."

"Which are?"

"Making bestest friends with you."

"You already are," Temari told him.

"Really?"

"More or less."

"Kick ass! Objective two complete!"

He walked back to his seat.

"What do I do now?"

"You don't know?" asked Sakura.

"Not really, I don't read that many high school fics."

Voices from above are heard: "Make out with Sasuke."

"I thought you liked NaruGaa."

"I prefer it, but this is good too. Besides I owe Billie something."

"Yay! Make out with Sasuke!"

"What the fuck?!" cried the three boys named... and half named.

The author appears in the classroom.

"Like magic!"

Kakashi looked up from his book.

"Who are you?"

"I am the almighty author of this fanfiction piece, and might I say good sir, that I admire your perviness."

"Aw, you're too much."

"ANYWAY! I am on a quest to parody the most common of Naruto fanfics. This chapter... didn't go so well. But the future ones might be slightly better! Kukukukukuku-"

Lalaith flys threw the door and drop kicks the author.

"Are you okay?" Kakashi asked.

Author snapped out of dream state.

"Yeah, had a scrubs moment."

"About what?"

"A scary person."

"Sakura?" Naruto asked.

"Less scary."

"Really?"

"Eh."

Author flips his cape backwards.

"Beware the future! Bwahahahaha!"

"What happened to your other laugh?" Sakura asked.

"I'm already getting my ass kicked for other shit, I shouldn't add to it."

Author dissapears as suddenly as he appeared. But his voice still lingers.

"Beware the future.. future.. future.. future..."

"Beware like hell!" Naruto shouted. "I'll sho-"

Sasuke pulled Naruto's hair, moving his head so that the blonde's face was lined with his own. Sasuke smashed his lips against the blonde. Naruto's eyes widened at the contact. He opened his mouth to protest, but instead of words coming out, Sasuke shoved his tongue between the blond boy's lips. Naruto moaned as he felt Sasuke's tongue travel across his teeth and lick the sides of his mouth.

Suddenly Sasuke let go of Naruto's hair and pushed the boy away from him. Naruto landed on the floor.

"What the fuck was that?!" Sasuke yelled.

"How the hell should I know?!" Naruto yelled back. "You did it!"

Evil laughter filled the room.

Kukukuku...

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Alright not my best. And I prob am going to get my ass kicked for including my sisters without their permission. Specially Laith, you guys do NOT know. She's a crazy ass betch when upset or pissed off. I don't know what happened with this chapter. I hope the next one will be better. I don't blame you for not leaving reviews, but PLEASE? Review? Make me feel better about myself? Even a flame! As long as I know someone read it! (puppy eyes)


	2. The NaruHina Fic

Disclaimer: No! I don't own Naruto! Why are you always rubbing it in?! You like to make me cry!

Author's Note: It took awhile, but here's the second chapter. Fucking school's a fucking... fuck... I shouldn't have done it, I should've just worked. What-evah!

I dedicate this chapter to my sister, Lalaith Weasley, because she loves this pairing as much as NaruGaa... Love you betch!

Warnings: lan-blah...

**Chapter 2: NaruHina fic**

The sun rays came through the window shades of Hinata's bedroom in a poetic way. She rubbed her eyes and sat up in bed. She fell forward a little. Her eyes opened and she looked down. It apperared that over night her bust had grown a considerable amount.

"What do you think Jenkins?" said an old man.

Jenkins pulled out one of those things that jewlers look at diamonds with. What are they? Whatever he looked at her chest through it.

"They appear to now be a D-cup Weatherfield."

"Marvelous! The girl's a definite sex goddess now."

They dissaparated out of the room. Sure they can be wizards... haha evil thought...

Freaked out by the whole thing she jumped out of bed and opened her closet. Instead of the usual baggy and same color clothes she wore day after day she had some new stuff. Cocktail dresses, tight shirts, low riding pants, anything that shows off the most disgusting parts of the human body.

Hinata sighed.

"It's one of those fics."

On the other side of Konoha a fat little cherub dressed as as a hitman (all black and shit with the sunglasses... awesome...) took up a sniper rifle and a bullet that looked like an arrow. Hark! The oh so symbol of foreshadowing in the shape of small heart that happens to be located on the side of this bullet!

This fat little cherub was indeed Cupid! ... I thought he was like a greek god or something. Isn't he the son of Aphrodite? How the hell did he end up a cherub? Maybe I'm wrong I don't know I learned it in like 9th grade or something. ANYWAY! I'm not writing enough dialouge and it's pissing me off so here we go.

Naruto woke up and hopped up happily. He felt hot all of a sudden.

"I should open a window."

He opened the window... he said he was so he did.

Cupid took this time to load his bullet aim it well. Lined it up at the very center of Naruto's head. And shot it.

Naruto fell backwards.

Cupid snickered.

(hehe... snickers...)

(Laith: stop writing bullshit stuff. get on with it.  
Me: i'm setting up!  
Laith: for what?  
Me: i don't know...)

Cupid holla'd at the boy.

"Fall in love with the first girl you see!"

Naruto got up (no he wasn't dead, the chapter only started) and holla'd back.

"I already like someone though!"

"Well... now you love someone else!"

"Just like that?!"

"Just like that!"

"Love isn't like that!"

"Bitch are you telling me I don't know what love is!"

"No! I'm just saying-"

"STFU! Go fall in love!"

Cupid flew away.

Author appears.

"What the fuck?! What are you doing here?"

"This. JUDO CHOP!"

Naruto falls to the ground, seemingly unconscience. What a ninja.

"I am the grand master planner! Kukukuku-"

Lalaith bursts through door.

"TESTI CRUNCHER JUTSU!!"

She kicked the author in the nads.

The author snapped out of dream.

"Fucking Scrubs..."

MEANWHILE!

Hinata looked at the note written in crayon and covered in juice. She knocked on Naruto's apartment door. Basically it says "go to Naruto's apartment", to pick the reason behind this, cast your vote now!

**A**. It was Cupid  
**B**. Kyuubi snuck out somehow and asked her to come  
**C**. Someone is matchmaking and forcing her to  
**D**. It's his birthday and the sender of the note threated to kill Naruto if she didn't show (wtf? wouldn't she die too? and what does that have to do with his birthday?)  
**E**. She's feeling rebellious! (which is great and all... but she came because of the note)  
**F**. All of the above

The winner is...

Kind of all of the above... except for the Kyuubi thing... yeah no. Maybe "e" too... But she is wearing those clothes...

Whatever, Hinata knocked on the door. Nothing happened. She knocked again. Nothing happened. She moved to leave. She was forced to open the door. Magical engergy pushed her in. She stumbled in. She saw him knocked out. She freaked out. Grabbed a bucket. Filled it with water. Threw it on him. He sputtered. He leapt up. He shook himself off. He was going to kill someone. He saw Hinata. He fell in love.

(Laith: you're making fun of billie...  
Me: how d'ya know?  
Laith: you know she likes using short sentences.  
Me: she didn't in her last fic!  
Laith: she did in her others.)

"Hinata!"

Hinata jumped.

"W-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-what?"

(Laith: overboard much?  
Me: i'll go over whatever board i want.  
Laith: shut up.)

"I love you!"

Hinata no longer shy and timid now that Naruto loves her jumped into his arms. You think with the clothes she had to chose from, that would stop her from coming over but apparently not... Hmm. A mystery.

Sakura bursts through the room.

"NARUTO!!!! VILLAGERS ARE COMING TO KILL YOU SINCE YOU'RE A JINKCHUURIKI AND HAVE KYUUBI INSIDE OF YOU WHICH IS THE DEMON THAT ATTACKED KONOHA THE DAY YOU WERE BORN!!! HOW NONE OF US EVER FIGURED OUT THAT YOUR BIRTHDAY AND THAT DAY WERE CONNECTED I'LL NEVER KNOW SINCE IT'S ONLY OBVIOUS WHEN WE SEE AND HEAR PEOPLE YELL OUT AT YOU AND JUST IGNORE YOU COMPLETELY!!! ANYWAY!! I HAD TO COME AND SHOUT ALL OF THIS SO THAT YOU GROW FRUSTRATED WITH ME BECAUSE IT'S ONLY NATURAL FOR YOU NOT WANTING HINATA TO FIND OUT NOW THAT YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN LOVE HER!!"

Both Naruto's and Hinata's ears were bleeding.

"You done?"

"Yeah."

"Get out."

"Kay."

She left.

Hiashi came through the door.

"I forbid this love!"

Naruto was confused.

"Where's the mob."

The author came back. No just kidding. I never left.

"You fucking write a mob scene." (a/n: i love that song! )

Hiashi coughed. Hinata coughed. Naruto coughed. You mother coughed. Sorry. Reflex.

"Anyway.. I forbid this love!"

"You will never stop me from loving her!"

Tsunade appeared.

"But I can."

"WTF?! Baa-chan I thought you loved me!!!"

"I do. That's why with this new jutsu that no one has ever heard of, I will release you from Cupid's spell."

She did hand signs, said the jutsu name, the works. Naruto fell out of love. He looked at Hinata.

"You're not cold?"

"A little."

Hinata looked at Tsunade.

"What about these."

She pointed to her chest.. obviously.

"Lucky for you, I also happen to be a pretty good plastic surgeon. Come with me."

They left. Naruto felt sad.

"You can't take those away! They're a gift! A GIFT!"

He was still a perv nothing was going to change that.

--------------------

(cough) So... that was my epic NaruHina chapter. I honestly didn't know what to expect so yeah. The whole short sentence thing I don't expect many people to get unless you've read all of 'ShirouGirl123's fanfics (none of them are posted here she only has one). She likes to use short sentences a lot. Only recently has Laith introduced her to the magnificent symbol called a comma.


	3. The SasuNaru Fic

Disclaimer: blah blah i don't own the fucking thing no matter how many stars i wish on blah blah blah...

Author's Note: Be wary of the sugar high! Don't snort pixie stix! It burns like hell! This fic also inspired the second chapter to THE ANTI-SASUKE FORCE FOUR! If you haven't read that check it! It's on the profile.

Dedicated to everyone in the family who luvs yaoi! Whoopa! boyxboy smexyness!

**Chapter 3: SasuNaru NaruSasu whatever it's pretty much means the same thing fic**

The room was steamy. Yay. Steamy goodness. Sasuke looked down at the boy beneath him.

"N. . . Naruto. . ."

Out of nowhere an alarm clock appeared in front of him. It bitch slapped him. It bitch slapped him good.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!!"

Sasuke fell out of bed. Being sprawled out on the floor like that and covered in a cold sweat the sudden realization of what kind of fic he was trapped in dawned on him.

"Son of a bitch..."

A few hours later, Sasuke and Sakura were waiting for none other than Naruto.

"What do you think happened to him?" Sakura asked.

"I don't know I don't care."

_In all actuality I don't want to be here when he shows up._

Sakura saw Naruto running towards them. His entire body covered in charcoly ash.

"What happened to you?"

"There was this huge fire at my apartment building," said Naruto.

Sasuke winced. _Dammit._

Yeah, he knew where this was going.

"Anyway the whole place burned down and now I'm homeless." (Enter anime tears)

"Well that sucks."

"I know! So then I heard this crazy voice and it gave me the idea that I could stay with you for a while Sasuke."

"No!"

"Why?!"

"No!"

"Come on Sasuke. The poor guy just lost his home. Let him stay with you."

"Why can't you stay somewhere else? Like with Iruka-sensei. Or Jiraiya-sama. Or Tsunade-sama. Or any of the other people that you're close with."

Mysterious voice from above: "Because then the plot wouldn't be going anywhere."

The three nins looked up and saw the author and his side kick sitting on a tree branch.

"I'm not no fucking side kick!"

"Just let me do this Laith."

The author looked down.

"He's staying at your place."

"Why?"

"You should know why."

"I do know why and that's why I don't want him there."

"Look betch he can stay at your place or I can have him do you right here."

Naruto passed out. Apparently he still didn't know what kind of fic he was in.

"Great now he's dead."

Lalaith smacked the back of the author's head. "You just said he was passed out."

"Oh that's right."

"Fine he can stay at my place."

"Hurray! I knew you'd see it my way."

"Because you made me."

"This is true. Sakura help Sasuke carry Naruto to his place. Don't worry! When he wakes up he won't remember this!"

The two in the tree watched the others drag the knocked out boy away.

"What started the fire?" they heard Sakura wonder out loud.

Lalaith smiled like the cheshire cat she is.

"I like to think I'm giving back to the community."

"You just made several people homeless though."

"I know. But I gave them something to start a fanclub for."

"True."

At Sasuke's!

Sakura and Sasuke dropped Naruto on a couch.

"See you Sasuke!"

Sakura left giggling in a fit of... giggles. Because you know she just HAS to be a closet yaoi fangirl. She's obvioulsy dying for the moment that these to fuck like bunnies to come. Sasuke cried when the door closed behind her.

_Why me?_

Meanwhile! At the author's lair...

"Hey if I burned down his apartment complex where are we going to have the anti-sasuke meetings?"

"Yeah I've been meaning to talk to you guys about that. But anyway how do I move this fic along?"

"Hm.. well I would think that after an awkward night together filled with thick sexual tension they both come out and fuck like bunnies."

"But that's so..."

"Overused."

"Predictable."

"Unoriginal."

"Un-unique."

"... That's the same thing I said."

"Whatever. No! I should do something different."

The author thought like never before.

"I KNOW! I'LL BRING IN ANOTHER LOVE INEREST!"

"That's something different?"

"Shut up! But who..."

A FEW DAYS LATER (at the Hokage tower)

Tsunade stared at the Kazekage in disbelief. (lalaith: so they're older in this fic? me: sure why not)

"All of Suna?"

"Burned to the ground."

"How the hell did that happen?"

(at the author's lair)

The author was treating Lalaith's burns.

"You went a little crazy there."

"You said make sure that there was nowhere for him to stay."

(back with the Kages)

Sasuke and Naruto entered the room.

"GAARA!"

Naruto leapt into the Gaara's arms. Sasuke was pissed.

_I don't want to be pissed though._

_Yeah you do._

_You're in my thoughts now?_

_Dumbass I'm everywhere._

Sasuke shook his head and adressed Tsunade.

"What did you call us here for Tsunade-sama?"

"I want you to house the Kazekage for the time being."

"What?"

"Yay! Gaara's gonna stay with us!"

"Hell no!"

"Why not?"

"I already have to deal with dobe over there."

"I'm not like Naruto."

"What about the usual place the Kazekage and co stay when they're here."

"Unfortunately it burned down yesterday."

Sasuke's little anger mark twitched.

"How convinient."

"Anyway it's not everybody staying at the Uchiha compound. Just the Kazekage."

"But the place is huge baa-chan. Why only Gaara?"

The author crashed threw the window.

"No one really gives a damn let's just go to the next scene!"

Lalaith peeked from the window.

"No fire?"

"No fire."

"Are you causing all those fires?!"

They vansihed.

"Why can't I catch them.?!"

Disembodied voice: "BECAUSE I AM UNCATCHABLE... BLE... BLE..."

"It's looks like bleh not ble."

"Shh!"

THAT NIGHT!

So after a few glares directed at Gaara and Gaara returning said glares to Sasuke they were finally sitting in each other's company without any problems. Until Naruto came along and latched himself onto Gaara's arm and babbled like he always did.

And since Gaara had been crunching (laith: crunching? me: yeah like fruit) on Naruto for awhile since a former jinchuuriki understood another jinchuu-

Lalaith punched the author square in the jaw.

"The fuck was that for?"

"You knew what you were implying."

"Whatever..."

The author went back to his computer and started typing up again.

-riki it was only natural for him to show something in him. Wait did that make sense? Whatever I give up with this poetic shit. He's been crunching Naruto and wants to fuck him like bunnies.

Sasuke glared at Gaara like only an Uchiha could.

_I want to fuck like bunnies with Naruto. Le gasp! I did not just think that!_

_Oh yes you did!_

_It's all the sexual tension and wet dreams you've been giving me these past few days._

_Um.. I didn't do any of that._

_What?_

_Yeah I didn't do any of that. I've been plotting this whole Gaara coming in between you and Naruto thing instead of paying attention to you... hehe... between..._

_Like total OMG. So that's been all me?_

_Like totally._

_Le gasp!_

Sasuke focused back into the real world. His pot boiled over with what he saw. Let's just say a certain Kage's hand was going down a certain dobe's pants and reaching for something that's infected in Health class.

"Baa-chan! What are you doing?!"

"Checking for infection."

"Oh okay."

No just kidding. That didn't happen. This is what happened:

"Panda-chan what are you doing?"

"_Naarruuttoo_," Gaara purred like a sex kitten. Meowr!

"Yeah?"

"Let's have a party tonight yeah?"

"That sounds like fun."

"My bed or yours?"

"ALRIGHT THAT'S IT!"

Sasuke pulled Naruto away.

"Teme wtf?"

"He's not going to have any kind of party with you tonight."

"And why is that?"

"Because he's sleeping with me."

"EH!?!"

Sasuke gazed down into Naruto perfectly blue eyes.

"I love you."

Naruto overwhelmed with emotion teared up.

"Sasuke... I love you too."

"Really?"

"Really really."

Lalaith rolled her eyes.

"Total whatever."

"Shh! The good parts coming... hehe... coming."

Sasuke bent down to capture the blondes perfect pink lips. Longing to feel them now and forever.

"STOP!"

The author appears.

"Like magic!"

"WTF?!"

From beneath the author's cape comes a remote of imminent powah!

"REWIND!"

Sasuke saw everything rewind. The days that had happened happened again... only backwards. Soon he was in his bed in the same dream that was at the very beginning of this chapter. The clock appeared again.

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!"

Again with the bitch slapping.

Once again Sasuke found himself falling out of bed covered in a cold sweat and in a tangle of sheets and onto a cold unforgiving floor.

He blinked.

He blinked again.

"Was that a dream or was it real?"

He would never know. Kukukuk-

Lalaith chucked her boot at the author.

"I told you to fucking stop laughing like that!"

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(laughs) this took some time to come out. My reason? I couldn't stop laughing while writing. Serious though I would think about it and just bust out. It happened during class too. I was thinking about the whole infected penis thing and just cracked. My prof was looking at me like wtf?! Oo he's high! (laughs) i even did another chappy of the anti-sasuke force four. check it please? please? and review! yeah please review... no one's reviewd this... makes me cry... even fucking billie got a real review for one of her shitty ass pieces! it was half assed and not even taken that seriuolsy! wtf?!


	4. Omake

Disclaimer: I should be like Nettie... have a trademark disclaimer... it would make it easier on me.

Writing "Author's Note" is too much of a hassle. I'm sure you guys know when the story begins and it when it doesn't. Anyway, while in the hospital (to those of you who didn't know, I was in the hospital... during fucking Halloween! Of all holidays gah!... (take breath)) this came to me in a drug filled day dream!

Dedicated to Lalaith Weasley... for being the poor misunderstood soul she it. XD I'm getting my ass kicked later...

**Omake: Kyuubi's Sob Story**

The author (in his psychiatrist outfit) sat in his armchair with his legs crossed and was dilligently taking notes of his patient on the sofa couch thing that people lie on. Do they? I've never been to a shrink so I don't know if they really do have those sofa beds or if that's just a stereotype. Anyway...

The author/pyschiatrist nodded his head every now and then, listening to the demon fox's rant.

"I mean, I get it. The whole fanfiction thing. People need entertainment. But do they have to twist my character to suit their needs?!"

"Well, for some fanfiction storylines, characters and other things need to be twisted in order for it to work out."

"But it's hard on me! Don't they understand?! Constantly a puppet for other's selfish needs! My gender has been twisted so many times! I'm a boy in one. A girl in another. Neither one is this one. Both in that one. That alone can break a person!"

The author/psychiatrist nodded sympathetically and put an "x" in the center square.

"Just curious. What is your gender?"

"I don't know!" Kyuubi burst into tears. "I don't know anymore..."

The author/psychiatrist reached over to the tissue box and handed one to the demon. Kyuubi blew his nose.

"I'm just a plot tool... My character is just one that's used and abused. Used and abused!"

"And how does that make you feel?"

"USED AND ABUSED!"

"Right right.. used and abused."

The author/psychiatrist put an "o" in the square above the center one.

"Alright then Kyuubi-sama.. it's apparent to me that you are underappreciated, underminded, and just plain worthless to the fiction writers."

"Thank you! Someone who sees it my way."

"But what do you think of those fanfics that use your character in a recourcefull way?"

"I don't ask for a lot of screen time. I don't ask to be put in every single chapter either. But dammit! Can't I be me in one of those damn things?! Do I always have to cater to the brat in whatever plot line he's in?!"

"It's kind of his show."

"Please he's not even popular in his own show."

"That's not true."

"Who's your favorite character?"

"... Neji."

"And everyone else in your family?"

"You, Gaara, Sasuke, and Sai... But just because he's not like our absolute favorite character doesn't mean that we don't like him... unless he's doing something really dumb and degrading... and when it's the english dub and he says believe it... Look we're getting off the issue here."

"And what is the issue here?"

"What?"

"The issue with you. Why is it that you only do humor and parodies hm? Why is that you've never taken a fanfic seriously? No drama or angst for you right? Why?"

"Life is angsty enough as it is... there's no need to remind people."

"Remind people.. or remind yourself?"

"Well.. I don't like to be reminded either."

"Why is that?"

"I paid my dues.. I can be happy if I want!"

"Are you happy?"

"Of course I'm happy! Why wouldn't I be happy?"

"Just seems like it's all a cover up to me."

"Yeah well... you help get Naruto pregnant! So there!"

_Fucking fox.. trying to twist this on me... I 'll show him... her... it... I'll show it..._

"WHAT?!?!???!!!!"

Kyuubi jumped from his lie-ing position and started reaking havoc everywhere. The author/psychiatrist his underneath his armchair. The timer dinged. Kyuubi stoped his murderous rampage.

"Same time next week?"

"S-sure."

The author/psychiatrist crept from under his armchair after the fox left the office.

The author/psychiatrist took the notepad out again and this time actually wrote something.

"Note to self... Don't mention the male pregnancies."

The author/psychiatrist went to his desk and pushed the intercom button.

"Laith send in the next patient."

"Why the fuck am I always your assitant and shit in your fics? I should kick your ass for that."

"I let you start fires."

"Whatever. Next patient coming in. You know that the intercom button was on the whole time right? We heard every word out here."

"What?!"

Naruto walked into the room.

"You really don't like it when I say believe it?"

The author/psychiatrist sighed.

_Dammit all..._

------------------------------------------

I don't know. (laughs)


	5. The HP xover fic pt 1

Disclaimer: I do own it (handed a subpeona) . . . dammit. . .

I like Harry Potter. Maybe not to extent that some fanatics worshipped it but I like it well enough (laith: well enough to cry when dumbledore died me: shh!). I just don't really like the idea of Harry Potter crossing over with Naruto. I dunno. Just don't care for it. That being said...

**Chapter 4: The Harry Potter crossover (pt 1)**

One day our beloved author and his sister/side kick/assistant/ co-conspirator/anti-Sasuke member decided to have a lunch out at Ichiraku's (because no matter how much laith may have denied it the fact that she enjoys ramen very much is just another reason why we compare her to Naruto) discussing they're cliche options.

"That's not how you spell it."

"I've said it before I don't know how to do the litte accent things."

"Whatever. So what's next?"

"What else can be done?"

"A lot."

"That was a lot of help."

"Yeah I know. I'm chalk full of it."

"Chalk full of bullshit is what you are..."

"What?"

"Nothing. Listen! How bout a parody of cross over fics!"

"Not the most original idea but neither is this fic. So sure. Why not?"

"Thanks... Okay but cross over with what?"

Lalaith smiled at him. The Author sighed.

"Fine... we'll go to England..."

A FEW DAYS LATER (like two or three..)

Tsunade rounded up some of the nins from the village. They were the following and chosen for each stated purpose:

1. Naruto - Because... it's his show and he's kinda the main character  
2. Sasuke - Because we must have conflict from the last chapter  
3. Sakura - Because... well she's part of the team I guess...  
4. Shikamaru - Because he is one of Laith's favorite shinobi  
5. Hinata - Same reason as above  
6. Kakashi - Adult supervision and cuz he's a perv  
7. Neji - Because he's my favorite

Naruto was confused by the reasons Tsunade gave them.

"What does that mean about Sasuke? Conflict from the last chapter?"

"You honestly don't remember?"

"Nope."

"Figures..."

Sasuke glared at the author. The author and Lalaith were present in the room. They would be escorting our 7 man team to a wonderfull (and in peril) world of magic.

"Don't give me that. I did nothing wrong."

"You messed with my psche."

"Yeah like that wasn't messed up already."

"OOOHH! You were pwned!"

(laith: bitch why you going round making me sound all ghetto gangsta like. me: ... )

"So what kind of mission are we going on?"

"Ask them."

The seven nins looked at the other two in the room. The author looked at his sister. She rolled her eyes and took up the explanation part.

"The seven of you are going to a magical faraway land called England. Where you will then enter yet another mystical magical world with actual magic. Your job is to... well I guess protect Harry Potter seeing as how that's pretty much what it all comes down to."

"And mass chaos at Hogwarts."

"Yes that too."

"How old is this Potter we're going to be protecting?" Neji asked.

No one answered. Lalaith groaned.

"We didn't choose which book to do."

"It has to be 5 or above. I don't think you want to do 6 since you're all against it."

The scene paused. (You know how like everything in a movie will just come to a standstill and one charater is in motion and addressing the audience? Well we're going into one of those. Lalaith needs her scene of redemeption to prove that she isn't anti-book 6 of Harry Potter.) Lalaith turned to the audience.

"Okay.. I'm not anti-book 6 or anything like that. I LOVE Harry Potter. I was at least one step below worship during the phenomenon. I will forever be gratefull to JK Rowling for writing it. I'm even gratefull for her own fanfic entitled Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince. Yes. I compare that one book in particular to a fanfic because I will be forever dissapointed in the fact that the romantic relationship that bloomed between Harry and Ginny just happened like that! Not to mention that the whole thing was revolving around who was hooking up with whom instead of concentrating on the Wizard War which is what I really wanted to read about. No I am not anti-book 6. I just think that it could have been and should have been a whole great deal better. That being said let's go back to the fic."

She looked around.

"After I make some adjustments."

She walked over and pushed Naruto onto the floor. She then dragged Neji over to fallen dobe. Then she bent his knees and made Neji straddle Naruto. She moved Naruto's hands over his head. Took one of Neji's and had him hold the other hands together. Unzipped the orange jacket and lifted the shirt a little bit. Placed one of Neji's hands on bare skin and voila! she was satisfied.

Lalaith moved back to her brother's side.

"Alright. Unfreeze."

Everyone became unfrozen and saw the two boys in the compromising position (a/n: i think that's right) They blinked once. They blinked twice. Three times. Then:

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHH???????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!????????????"

The author pulled out a camera.

"Well hot damn! This kix ass!"

"Get the hell off him!!"

"No I think I like it here. What about you Naruto?"

Naruto's mind had shut down. The only thing it focused on was gathering more blood into his face. (a/n: that's what a blush is, ne?)

"He didn't say anything so he must not mind."

Sasuke tackeld Neji. Can anyone say catfight? Meowr! Lalaith was extremely happy.

"Go Neji!! Use your awesome Neji kitty powers!!"

The author then maliciously began to conspire a way to incorporate Hinata into this.

(laith: why do i get the feeling you're trying to make fun of me?  
me: che. you're to paranoid. (sweats because he actually was. have you read her fic? she like tries to sound all complex and shit .))

Lalaith glared at him.

"What?"

"Don't incorporate her into anything."

"Why?"

"Because I'm her fangirl."

"Can a girl be a fangirl for another girl?"

Enter Benji.

"Only if they're a lesbian."

Lalaith threw her boot at him.

"Shut the fuck up you narrowminded asswipe."

Exit Benji.

"Hmm... well you are the psychological fangirl so I guess with you it's possible."

He raised his hand.

"Hokage-sama!! Can I switch some of the team??!!"

"It's your fic I have no real say in anything you do."

"Yay! I switch Hinata out for Sai and give Tsunade a neverending bottle of sake!!"

Tsunade cheered and Hinata became Sai. Lalaith wasn't too happy but at least Hinata would be safe from the perversions of her older brother.

(real life)

"What the hell laith."

Lalaith stopped typing. "Just imputing some stuff."

(back to the fic)

Sai was confused.

"Why am I here?"

"You're here to make indecent passes at Naruto and drive the other two off the wall."

"Sweet."

Lalaith turned to her brother.

"Can Sai say sweet?"

"Eh why the hell not?"

Billie bursts through a wall.

"You better keep him in character!!!"

"That's why."

"What the hell? Is it like family interruption day or something?"

Entire DeRange family falls through the roof.

"What the hell? Where am I?"

"You are being used as a pathetic attempt at humor by our brother here."

Hector glared.

"You better fucking put us back Tony!!"

"Fine."

The author pulled out his remote of imminent powah and rewound the whole thing.

Tsunade sighed and drank from her sake bottle. Neji and Sasuke were still clawing at each other. Sai was putting the moves on Naruto. Kakashi was reading and Shikamaru wandered off into his own little world.

"What about me?"

"Oh hell. We forgot about Sakura."

"Who?"

The author pointed.

"Oh the pink menace."

"Hey!"

The author clapped his hands.

"Alright!! To the Hogwarts express!"

"That's at King's Cross."

"Oh right... to the Knight Bus!!"

"No."

"Then how the hell are we getting there?"

"The flying ford angelina of course!"

"Of course..." (a/n: if any of you laughed at that you either got it or just have a very strange sense of humor)

Lalaith jumped.

"Hurray!! I'm driving!!"

She ran out with the author chasing her.

"You don't know how to drive!!"

Neji and Sasuke stopped fighting once the realized Sai had naruto straddling him. But before that war was about to break out Kakashi stopped them by asking Tsunade if they should follow them.

"Go ahead. Good luck to you guys."

They left the room and headed off for their next mission.

--------

kay this is part one. i'm pretty sure there's only going to be 2 parts so until the next time i can update review! (should be soon finals and shit are almost done. glad i'm not billie! she was telling me about what she needed to do.. phew! hurray for general studies!)


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